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Here we are, three years and one month later, and I still am yet to build upon my "reentry to the blogging world." It's funny, I just read my initial post on this blog; it made me chuckle! My sentiments haven't changed in the slightest.

I'm still fighting off the toga man (woman?) who's prodding me to get on here.

I'm still consistently irked with the connotation of "blogging" and what that often entails.

I'm still hesitant to post a word because I CAN'T DECIDE ON A BLOG NAME OR DOMAIN HOST OR ANY OF THAT CRAP. (Plus I'm cheap and don't want to be paying a million dollars for something that is invisible and LITERALLY in cyber-space.)

Add to that the fact that I now have a child and love my beautiful family, and I worry about which pictures are okay to post. I'll never forget reading an article about how sexual predators like family photos--especially pics of kids by themselves looking at the camera. It's created all sorts of emotions within me, including the uncertainty which has brought me to my inaction of posting. I've even thought about just having a private blog and inviting family and close friends to view that, but I sort of feel like the whole Elder Bednar pep-talk encourages me to reach beyond my immediate circle of influence.

Sigh.

I have a to-do list on my phone that I refer to multiple times daily, and "personal blog?" (complete with the question mark) is at the very tippy top of that list. My uncertainty in whether or not I should be on here is something I've looked at (and ignored/scrolled past) several times daily for who even knows how long.

SO. I've decided that I can just start here. If I want, down the road I can change the URL if I decide to buy a domain. I can change the host if I can figure out what the heck I want. I can go pictureless for awhile. Heck, I can even just write for ME--without telling anyone--until I get a grip on this ish. I just feel SUCH AN URGENCY to write and share some of the thoughts I'm having.

Here's the thing. Awhile back, I read this article about Lifestyle Porn, and the funny thing was, afterwards, instead of wanting to point fingers at anyone, I felt like IIII was the one being called out for being both a consumer as well as a contributor to this pervasive industry. We are ALL guilty of posting about our glamorous life, house, meal, outfit, trip, baby...you name it. When, in reality, our relationships are superficial, the house is a mess, the post-dinner kitchen is destroyed, the seemingly perfect outfit is tucked and pinned and posed just right, and the baby just had a blowout all over the impractical white sofa in the Pinterest-worthy living room. It's a joke. But we all do it!

One of my neighbors several years my senior and forever one of my heroines used to have a lovely, simple blog. She would post about her life, her children, their birthday parties, Family Home Evening lessons... until one day she stopped. My sweet ma asked her what had become of her blog, and she said that she'd given up on it. "I found myself spending too much time planning my blog and getting everything perfect so I could post about it, and it was cutting into what mattered most in my life. So I stopped." I admire that so much!  I guess that's the fallacy we're all operating under here; instead of posting about our lives as they really are, we see the need to falsely portray them as perfect. And what damage and disservice we are doing!

I've been playing that game for too long. It's wreaked havoc on my self-esteem and confidence, and turned me into someone I don't love all the time. Getting ahead of someone else does us virtually no good. Being prettier than someone else is TOTALLY subjective. Having more followers than someone else really is one of the lamest, most superficial, unimportant measuring sticks that has ever been applied on this earth. And finding happiness or worth online is a complete DEAD. END.

I'm imperfect. Hugely. I fail in a lot of ways, and I will never pretend otherwise. But, despite my many flaws and shortcomings, I'm trying to be a good person, a reliable disciple, a supportive wife, a present mother, and a consistent friend. And that's what you'll read about here on my blog.